Tech Tuesday: Car Technologies we all wished we had
November 24, 2015
Here are 6 technologies that I hope are implemented someday because I want more than just comfort, inflatable seatbelts and fuel efficiency.
Automotive manufacturers come up with amazing technologies that only serve to enhance your driving experience in beneficial and utilitarian ways. But what about inefficient and very dangerous technology we want in our cars? For every useful feature being created – like autonomous driving and smart breaking – we want something else, like offensive weapons capabilities. Here are 6 car technologies that I hope are implemented someday because I want more than just comfort, inflatable seatbelts and fuel efficiency.
1. Seat Ejector
For all the introverts who would rather commit severe bodily harm or murder than ride with someone in the passenger seat, this one is for you. Tired of someone nagging at you or changing the radio station to alternative rock? Well, you’re one button away from silent bliss and probably a criminal charge. If it’s good enough for Bond, it’s good enough for us. A seat ejector can remove friends and enemies alike.
2. Modular Seating
Car seats are usually bolted onto the vehicle’s floor. But imagine if you could move these seats in a way deemed more comfortable? Maybe you’re on a long road trip and want to converse face to face with the other passengers. Or maybe little Timmy is being annoying and is in need of a timeout; so you simply turn his seat so that he faces the back (like a modern dunce cap situation). Modular seating can give you the options to virtually do whatever you like. The technology is already in development so you shouldn’t have to wait too long to get your hands on it. If they could only hurry up so that car rides would be less awkward.
3. Offensive Weaponry
Imagine someone pulls up to the parking spot you’ve been waiting for like 4 minutes and parks right before you make a move. You know that they know that you’ve been waiting for that spot because your blinker was on. But they don’t care (common curtsey is dead to them); they park, give you the cut eye and walk towards the mall. It’s a Saturday and the mall is packed and everyone’s frustrated due to the lack of parking and the overly expensive mall. Now, wouldn’t the scenario be a little different if that a$$h*!# saw this.
Of course it would. I’m not suggesting you should commit murder (or does this qualify as vehicular homicide?). A simple demonstration of your vehicle’s offensive capabilities would deter jerks from treating you like crap. Whether it’s someone stealing your parking spot or being cut off in traffic, things could be a little different. Some vehicles in South Africa already have built-in flamethrowers as a means of deterring grand theft auto (the crime, not the game). Having offensive weapons would deter jerks from being jerks and could make life a lot less complicated.
4. Flip Plate Technology
Parking in the city can sometimes be a hassle. Even when paying for parking, like a good citizen, sometimes you’ll receive a ticket within a minute of the parking meter/ ticket expiring. Do parking enforcement officers wait specifically for cars with their time about to expire so that they can give you a fine? Probably. Are the upsets that they couldn’t cut it as cops? Probably. But with flip plate technology, you’d never have to worry about getting a ticket again. Simply flip the plate, park (or a commit a crime) and never worry about being tracked again.
5. Automatic Opening Doors
You’ve got automatically opening smart trunks, so why not doors? Aside from possibly hitting other parked cars, objects and cyclists, what could be the harm? How Boss would it look if you simply stepped up to the door and it slowly opened up for you? It’s like an invisible personal assistant but without the cost or the crappy coffee they’d bring. It’s like being a less dependent Ari Gold.