Ask and this Beemer delivers it

Steve Bond

SPECIAL TO THE STAR

BEST: BMW F800GS

My personal taste in motorcycles runs to the practical side because I truly like to ride. I rack up a lot of kilometres a year under various conditions.

My motorcycle must have a willing, torquey engine. I don't require 150 horsepower but it's gotta move fairly well and, with fuel going for much loot per litre, economy of operation is important.

Excellent suspension is non-negotiable. Nothing irks me more than having my fillings loosened or my spine jolted when hitting frost heaves or crossing railroad tracks. Said suspension must be supple but with proper spring and damping rates to enable spirited cornering.

A weight of around 200 kg is important as I shouldn't have to call for the paramedics after moving it around in the driveway. A centre-stand is a must.

I do a lot of day trips and touring so the bike must have comfortable seating, adequate wind protection and it must be receptive to either factory or aftermarket luggage.

Of all the motorcycles I rode this year, the one that came closest to fulfilling all my requirements was the $12,500 BMW F800GS.

It's all-day comfortable, weighs 185 kg dry, the stock windscreen is adequate (the optional taller screen is better), it has a luggage rack and the suspension is wonderful.

Even when riding it hard, the 85 horsepower twin returned a sparkling 4.3-4.5L/100km (62.7 to 65.6 m.p.g.). It's even got that intangible "fun factor" nailed.

Worst: Yamaha FZ1

Consider the butter knife. It's extremely useful for applying semi-solid dairy substances to various wheat products, but not ideal for field-dressing a moose. No reflection on the butter knife — it's just not the proper tool for the job.

So instead of "Worst Motorcycle," we'll go with "The Motorcycle Least Suited to the Assigned Task" and that's the "naked" Yamaha FZ1 that I toured part of Australia on in January.

This may be surprising, seeing as I covered 4,000 km of Down Under on this bike in six days, but the newest version of the FZ1 is a giant step backwards from what made the original FZ such a great, all-purpose motorcycle.

The Fazer's 140 horsepower motor and sportbike handling was outstanding on the Great Ocean Road, the Great Alpine Road and up through the Snowy Mountains, but the new FZ's significantly higher fuel consumption combined with its smaller fuel capacity meant I was looking to fill up with expensive dead Australian dinosaurs every 200 kilometres or so.

The hard, sloping seat was so uncomfortable on those 800-kilometre days, my tender nether regions felt like they'd been used for kicking practice by a World Cup soccer team.

To be fair, I asked for an FJR1300 and would've even preferred the new FZ6R to the FZ1 but when you're 16,000 kilometres from home, you take what you can get.

For power, handling and pure sportiness, the FZ1 was ideal. But for covering long distances in comfort, without getting beaten up by the windblast and stopping every couple of hours for gas – well, some days you get the buttered croissant and some days you get the moose.

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