Weird and wacky moments for 2009 autos

Owners' manuals and peculiar news add up to another odd year

Dec 18, 2009

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Special to the Star

Another year has gone by, and I've waded through 12 months of owner's manuals, press kits and auto show handouts. Whether they're legalese, unfamiliar English or simply "huh?" these little gems are just plain odd:

Fresh off the griddle: Brilliance, a Chinese car company with a display at the Detroit Auto Show, describes its M2 sedan in a brochure: "M2 is honoured as `Chinese BMW.' Because of its graceful fashion, dynamic body, high quality, low price and high performance cost, M2 sells like hot cake in auto market in China."

Keep your hands to yourself: Acura TL warns that "opening or closing the moonroof on someone's hands or fingers can cause serious injury."

And keep your butts off the glass: Lexus warns, "Do not sit on top of the moon roof."

Squash isn't just a vegetable: Honda Ridgeline warns you to "remove any items from the seat before you fold up the seat cushion."

As opposed to the compulsory ones: Mothers Against Drunk Driving warns not to drink and drive, because "we don't want any unnecessary crashes this holiday."

Yes, that could pose a problem: Volvo warns, "Never drive with the airbags deployed. The fact that they hang out can impair the steering of your vehicle."

Whatever floats your boat: Porsche Cayenne warns you to "never open the doors when driving through water."

So that's what they are! Hyundai Genesis advises that "Your vehicle is equipped with both left-hand and right-hand outside rear-view mirrors."

Just how tall do they think you are? Hyundai warns, "Do not extend the face, neck, arms or body outside through the sunroof opening while driving."

Nothing gets by these guys: A study by the U.S. Insurance Institute for Highway Safety discovered that vehicle occupants in rollover crashes benefit from stronger roofs.

Make sure the babysitter's in with them: Toyota Venza warns, "Do not leave children alone in the luggage compartment."

I'm pickin' up good vibrations: Dodge Ram's park assist comes with the warning, "Jackhammers, large trucks and other vibrations could affect the performance of the system."

Lost in translation: In April, Berlin-based tuning company Avus Performance custom-built an all-white, high-performance Audi RS6. It hastily apologized when its press agency mistranslated the German project name into English as "White Power."

Talk about bad timing: Not long after General Motors filed for bankruptcy protection, it announced it was discontinuing a Cadillac paint colour called "Blue Chip."

A whole new meaning to "stick-up": In November, a man tried to steal a car at gunpoint from a woman in Winnipeg. He handed the keys back when he realized the car had a standard transmission, which he didn't know how to drive.

Missed it by that much: An Audi sedan reported stolen in Germany two years ago was found in July, parked in a neighbour's garage. The 82-year-old owner had taken the car in for repairs and arranged for the mechanics to drive it back and park it in her garage. By mistake, they left it in the unused garage next door. The neighbour discovered the car when he went to clean out the building so he could rent it.

Or you'll see what happens: Volkswagen warns that you "make sure that you do not get your finger trapped between the mirror and the mirror base when moving the mirrors."

If I could, it wouldn't be an issue: Mini warns that if the brake fluid level is too low, "stop immediately."

Now this is news: Honda Fit warns that "If you crash, you can be injured."

One fine bovine: In August, Audi announced that due to its "obsession for attention to detail," its leather upholstery will now be made strictly from bulls, rather than cows, which apparently produce hides that are too small. The company also tests the hides' smell by heating pieces in canning jars and getting "professional sniffers" to grade them.

Giving the finger: Lexus RX 450h warns, "Fingernails may scrape against the door during operation of the door handle. Be careful not to injure fingernails or damage the surface of the door."

And a shoehorn: The compact Mazda MX-5's trunk capacity is a mere 150 litres, but its owner's manual recommends that for winter driving, you should "carry emergency gear, including tire chains, window scraper, flares, a small shovel, jumper cables, and a small bag of sand or salt."

Why sales are spotty: At a presentation of Chrysler's business plan, Canadian president Reid Bigland said the company's minivan is moving through dealerships like "chicken pox through a kindergarten."

That's good eatin'! At the Los Angeles Auto Show, Porsche invited journalists to drive its prototype Cayenne S Hybrid and, according to the press release, "experience a bit of Porsche spice in today's hybrid stew."

Toronto Star