Here’s a list of some bumper stickers I’d like to see.
1. Sit, stay, beg . . . Just kidding, here’s your ticket.
2. Objects in mirror are closer than they appear and zigzagging drivers are way less skillful than they imagine.
3. No matter how much you tailgate, I’ll still get there first.
4. Keep right except to pass and stay home if you can’t drive.
5. I’ve never had an “accident.” Every crash was my fault.
6. Yes, I can drive fast safely. I have the tickets to prove it.
7. Street racers finish too quickly.
8. Dip on the road ahead, driving a monster SUV.
9. Pay attention when driving. Stop reading this sign.
10. Luxury sports car: $60,000. Advanced driver training: none.
11. Stop honking! I’m on the phone.
12. My second car is eco-friendly.
13. Lower that finger. No hexing while driving.
14. Can’t drive, but won’t take bus or taxi.
15. This vehicle fuelled by a double-double.
16. Jeez, I can come up with a better bumper sticker slogan than this.
17. No parking, no U-turn, and not good at lane changes either.
18. My car parks itself, because I don’t know how.
19. If you don’t have anything nice to say, post it on the Internet.
20. Warning: This bumper sticker is stupid. But most people will still keep reading it to the end anyway, just in case something changes.
Best bumper sticker I’ve seen: “Unless you’re the lead reindeer, the view never changes.”
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