Livin’ (and lovin’) life in the slow lane

Peter Bleakney

SPECIAL TO THE STAR

My last family RV trip happened about 40 years ago (a wee tyke, I was) when my parents, sister and I spent the better part of a year knocking around England and Europe in a Bedford Doormobile – a diminutive British conversion van with four cylinders, four berths and a four-speed on the tree that my Dad dutifully wrestled with through the Alps and Scottish Highlands.

It was a far cry from Old Gill, a name my own kids bestowed upon our 2010 Gulfstream Conquest motor home that we called – well, home – for several days of touring through Quebec and Ontario.

Weighing in at around 5,000 kilograms (think two Cadillac Escalades), stretching almost 10 meters, able to sleep eight and possessing two “sliders” that dramatically increased interior room when parked, Old Gill could probably have fit the Doormobile in the rear bedroom alone.

I will admit to a degree of trepidation prior to this journey. Who hasn’t seen Robin Williams crash and burn an RV, or watched Homer Simpson’s motor home obsession wreck his marriage?

And would I find myself hanging out with the Trailer Park Boys every night? (Which would be kinda fun, actually.)

Our RV experience was arranged through Go RVing Canada (a coalition of RV dealers, manufacturers and campsites) and we picked up the Conquest from the friendly and knowledgeable folks at Motor Home Travel Canada Inc. in Bolton, who have been in this business for 30 years.

The amount if information thrown at you during the initial walk-around is a tad overwhelming, but after a couple of days on the road you get the hang of all the systems as well as the routine of plugging in, hooking up the water and dumping the waste (a task my kids weren’t too keen on).

For two parents, two teenagers and one large dog, this Class C motor home proved a pretty cushy way to dive into the peripatetic lifestyle. We were hardly roughing it, what with air conditioning, hot and cold running water, bathroom with shower, full kitchen and a TV (that we never used).

Driving this rig, however, is no picnic. Crosswinds, tight turns, hills and backing-up fall into the “no fun” category. The backup camera helped a lot with the latter.

I soon became reluctantly resigned to being “that guy” in the massive motor home, holding up traffic on the winding byways.

And we found some beauties.

After spending a day in Quebec City, we headed southwest to the Eastern Townships. The 172 km Route des Vins (Wine Route) courses through the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains. Here you’ll find rolling green vistas, pristine glacier-formed lakes, quaint villages and 17 wineries

The best part of being on the road is coming across the unexpected. We pulled into Domain des Cotes d’Ardoise winery and found, along with some fine wines, a surreal installation of 110 large sculptures done by 60 Quebec artists that ringed the vineyard and followed a woodland path like white ghosts.

A rare and beautiful sight.

It was handy having a couple of kids in French immersion on this trip. Most of the French I know I picked up from a Quebecois rock ‘n’ roll lighting crew – none of which I could use without losing a couple of teeth.

Our evening ritual consisted of whipping up some grub on the gas stove, roasting marshmallows over the fire pit, adult beverages for the adults and Scrabble, to which my kids became addicted.

If you’re at all environmentally sensitive, the RV life with its sasquatch-sized carbon footprint will have you twitching like a polar bear on an ice flow in August.

The Ford 6.8 L Triton V10 (305 hp, 420 lb-ft of torque) is consigned to a life of hard labour here. Acceleration is glacial and, once up to speed, you feel every grade in the road no matter how slight. Fuel usage is nothing short of shocking for the uninitiated – we averaged about 26 L/100 km.

Despite campsites running between $40 and $50, the rest of the RV experience – at least at this level – is hardly inexpensive.

Motor Home Travel Canada has about 75 privately owned RVs in its rental fleet (owners get a chunk of the fee) and this 32-foot Class C is mid-level, with a weekly peak-season rental charge of $1,911 (it drops to half that in off-season) plus 29 cents per kilometer. Various upgrade packages provide bedding, kitchen supplies, etc. Our 11-day rental (including taxes) cost us $2,875.85.

Add in gas, food, beer, wine, single malt scotch, firewood, marshmallows and... whoa, we’re talkin’ serious coin here.

Of course, there are many ways to scratch the RV itch. At the campgrounds we stayed at, we saw everything from a $700,000 Prevost H2 bus conversion to a family of five crammed into a Toyota Matrix towing a 25-year-old tent trailer held together with duct tape.

Canada Day found us at the spectacular Sandbanks Provincial Park in Prince Edward County, where we climbed the dunes and dipped into Lake Ontario.

Our trip concluded at the aptly named Trails End Campground at the Presque’ille Provincial Park.

Our week on the road in Old Gill proved to be quite an enlightening experience. I learned a few good new Scrabble words. I discovered that gas pumps will only dispense up to $100 of fuel at a time. I learned the wine region in southern Quebec is producing some fine Beaujolais-style vintages. I learned Muskol (insect repellent) works better than Off.

Most of all, I learned that spending time with my family in the slow lane can be pretty sweet.

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