The next owner of your vehicle is a real fusspot

LorraineSommerfeld

COLUMNIST

You know how, when you’re buying a new car, you’re snowed under with all the options, and just when you think you’ve finally made up your mind, they introduce another package or three?

Thing is, there’s an undercurrent to your purchase threatening to become an undertow. Whenever we bandy about the finest reasons to buy a car, “resale value” always hovers near the top of the list. You are actually buying your car for the next person. And according to the recently released CarMax Reports, the next person is pretty damned picky.

The problem for me is that I just don’t see eye to eye with this Next Person. According to CarMax, the No. 1 thing NP wants is leather seats. I don’t like leather seats. They’re too cold in the winter and too hot in the summer. Yes, I know there are seat heaters, but that’s just a big ol’ waste of power to a girl raised by a Saskatchewan farmboy.

NP also wants a navigation system. Well, NP may go have to buy his own, depending on just how new this car is. There are thousands and thousands of aftermarket navigation systems out there (well, the ones that haven’t been stolen), and do you really want to see the look on the kids’ faces when you come home with a built-in one so soon after that Father’s Day present?

NP wants a sunroof. No, no you really don’t, NP. Trust me. You think you want one. A sunroof is a pair of fabulous shoes with a heel just a half-inch too high. You look cute as long as you don’t move.

Third-row seat. I get wanting this on paper. But unless you’re the Partridge Family, those seats are going to spend most of the time in the garage. Very few vehicles have enough leg room for someone who isn’t a Weeble, and after a while the kids start arguing about who is going to get stuffed back there. Then again, if the kids start arguing, you could stuff them out the sunroof.

The Next Person wants a DVD video system. My kids always wanted this, too. But I held firm that long trips are not about Finding Nemo, they’re about discovering each other as a family. The licence plate game was invented for a reason. We played it constantly on long trips when I was growing up, and look how well I turned out.

NP also demands an automatic transmission. If I had my way, there would only be manual transmissions available to drive. So people could actually learn to drive, learn how their car works, put down all their assorted distractions and focus on the task at hand. Quit being a wussy, NP.

I’m sorry, NP, but unless I’m buying a pickup truck for you to buy next, I don’t see why I should have to get you a tow hitch.

Coming in at No. 8 is seat heaters. We’ve already discussed this. If you get rid of No. 1, this is redundant. Most of us have a rear big enough to keep us warm. That, and I once drove to Detroit with someone who kept sneaking the seat heater onto high, and it scared me.

Bringing up the rear in NP’s requests are 4WD and cruise control. I may allow these. Especially if the vehicle is a sporty little thing that looks like it has 4WD. If it looks like it does, it should. And since I’ve taken away every other toy, I’ll concede that on long trips cruise control can save gas, and your sanity.

So you can get back to playing the licence plate game.

Lorraine Sommerfeld’s column appears Saturdays in Wheels and Mondays in the Star’s Living section. <

www.lorraineonline.ca

More videos from Wheels.ca and our partners