Media and owner kits good for a laugh

Such as: Don't fold seat with person in it, don't put hole in vehicle, don't let SUV body hit ground

Dec 29, 2007

Special to the Star

Well, another year draws to a close, and with it, 12 months of a constant stream of press kits, announcements, car shows and owner's manuals that help me do my job.

Mostly they're informative, but every now and again, a little bit of weirdness creeps in. Sometimes they're items lost in translation, sometimes they're companies being a little too careful, and sometimes they're just plain off the wall, but they're good for a chuckle:

AT LEAST THEY'RE HONEST: At the first-ever press conference by a Chinese automaker at the Detroit auto show, Changfeng Motor handed out CDs labelled "Image Propaganda Film."

YOO HOO, I'M OVER HERE, PART 1: In January, three thieves allegedly stole 14 global positioning devices from the works department in Babylon, N.Y., which uses them in snowplows and dump trucks. Police simply tapped into the GPS system, which led them to a house where they promptly arrested a man who was holding one of the devices.

I'M OVER HERE, PART 2: In March, a man and woman who were accused in a series of vehicle thefts in Newmarket made their getaway by blindly following the commands of their stolen Toyota Highlander's navigation system. The couple wanted to go to Alberta via the Trans-Canada around Lake Superior. Instead, the pair didn't appear to notice that the navigation system steered them to the bridge in Sarnia. U.S. border guards in Michigan flagged the SUV's plates and arrested them.

HOW ELSE WOULD YOU NAVIGATE DOWNTOWN TRAFFIC? Nissan Altima warns, "Do not disassemble the horn." Meanwhile, Kia Magentis wants you to "check the horn regularly to be sure it operates properly."

HOLY HEAVENS: Kia Magentis warns, "Never make a hole in your vehicle to accommodate a (trailer) hitch."

A CLEAN GETAWAY: Lexus warns, "To prevent unexpected triggering of the alarm and vehicle theft, make sure . . . nobody is in the vehicle."

NEXT WEEK, LAURA ACTUALLY CONCENTRATES ON DRIVING THE CAR: On a website dedicated to Sync, Ford's new wireless telephone and music system, a fictitious young woman named Laura heads to a party: "Using Sync, she calls friends, checks her playlists, has text messages read to her and chooses songs for the party, all with simple voice commands."

IS IT HOT IN HERE? Dodge Avenger's manual believes that "The recommended (heater) setting for maximum comfort, for the average person, is 72F (22C); however, this may vary."

YOU KNOW SOMEBODY TRIED IT: Toyota warns, "Do not put the key in water or wash it in an ultrasonic washer."

ESPECIALLY IF IT'S THE ROOF: BMW X3 warns that you should "avoid having the body make contact with the ground."

YOU GOT TO KNOW WHEN TO FOLD: Ford Edge warns you to "Ensure that the seat is unoccupied when folding it down. Folding the seat while occupied could result in damage to the seat or injury."

WE'RE NOT SURE WHAT IT'S CALLED, BUT BE CAREFUL ANYWAY: In the section on safe driving, Saturn's manual asks, "Is there actually such a condition as highway hypnosis? Or is it just plain falling asleep at the wheel? Call it highway hypnosis, lack of awareness, or whatever."

VALET OF THE DOLLS: In June, a Plymouth buried in 1957 as part of a time capsule in Tulsa, Okla., was exhumed from its vault. Found inside were the contents of a "typical woman's handbag" of the day: bobby pins, lipstick, packs of gum and cigarettes – and a bottle of tranquilizers.

AN AUTOMATIC SENTENCE: In June, two armed teens in Marietta, Ga., stole a man's wallet and his Honda keys, but were caught when onlookers called police. The thieves had no idea how to start a vehicle with a manual transmission.

Toronto Star