2008 Audi S5

Kathy Renwald

SPECIAL TO THE STAR

I didn't want to love the Audi S5. It bugged me that as it sat in the driveway glowing in salacious red it was a beacon for men, like the Solid Gold strip club not too far away.

Connect the dots: the S5 is about as subtle as a lap dance. So these men I barely know would come by sheepishly asking to go for a ride seduced by the curves, the power and the sound.

The S5 is a breathy mix of Pamela Anderson and Marilyn Monroe and Scarlett Johansson, with a splash of Amy Winehouse.

Inside the bombshell body, the S5 has a 4.2 L V8 rated at 354 horsepower. The five-star recipe from the chefs at Audi mixed direct injection with high compression and optimum fuel for a tantalizing entré. The industry analysts at Ward's Auto call it "the James Bond of engines." Enough said.

The moment you punch the start button (yes, it has one of those) the needles on the tach and speedo sweep madly like a Geiger counter discovering a Rolex on South Beach.

If you're cool, you won't have the windows rolled down so you can hear the intoxicating V8, but the sound is stirring. It's like the best part of a symphony when the orchestra warms up and the musicians are blowing the carbon out of the piccolos and French horns. You have to have the windows open just a crack.

That explains why in —10C weather I was driving it on the Gardiner Expressway with the windows down, hoping for a harmonic convergence as the sound waves bounced off overpasses and concrete barriers.

Then an inner dialogue begins and you know you've lost it. "Why don't all these bookworms in front of me clear the way so I can take the shackles off this animal?" But invariably you obey the speed limit and get passed by a kid slouching in a Sunbird.

The $69,400 S5 coupe I tested has six gears in a manual as smooth as soapstone. But the car provokes childish behaviour – like rarely using gears 5 and 6 – because we like to keep the revs up and the engine sounding like a Philip Glass symphony.

Drive the car with intensity and be prepared for skyrocketing numbers in fuel consumption. A guzzling 15 L/100 km in the city dampens the party mood. The digits spin on an LCD screen between the tachometer and speedometer. Look a little further and the screen tells you what gear you're in, in white numbers, and what gear you "could" be in for better fuel consumption in green numbers. A thoughtful gesture.

It's no picnic, though, to drive the S5 smoothly in first and second gear in stop-and-go highway traffic. You know when Tiger Woods has an approach shot to the green and he is "between clubs" as they say? Poking around in 1 and 2 in gridlock can get you the nickname "Lurch."

The Audi suspension tuners have once again built a car that rides tight but not painful. And the handling is such that no one with a class-G licence should ever find the limits of adhesion (but no doubt that will happen). The Quattro all-wheel drive keeps all four wheels behaving in the slickest conditions.

Piloting the S5 requires allegiance to Audi's speed-sensitive steering. I like it but I want to not like it. The fact that at low speeds it sheds resistance and you can one-finger it into parking spots is pretty juicy. But with a muscly car like the S5, shouldn't we suffer just a bit? Even a stick insect like one of the Olsen twins could steer this beast. That bugs me.

At highway speeds the steering snaps to attention and the weight feels just right, so my protests are flimsy.

The interior is lux with beautifully tailored and bolstered seats featuring adjustments for every mood. But getting in and out of the coupe's backseat requires strength and agility; I'd rate the roominess "decent to snug" with a sloping roofline that will ruffle the hair of taller passengers.

The landscape of the dashboard is not my favourite in the Audi lineup: it seems a little less elegant and a little more locker room. Aluminum rings around gauges look out-of-synch with the mostly restrained styling. A big screen in the centre stack is like NASA headquarters – you can find your navigation maps and all the fine tuning of heat, cold, audio and so on. With time, you can figure most things out, but why do you need to go through a computer to turn down the heated seats?

All the goodies were bundled into my tester – navigation, Bluetooth, backup camera – but my suspicion is the selling point is right there on the side of the body: "V8."

There you have it – power, handling, elegance with a bit of edge and symphonic sounds. The S5 throws everything at you without apology.

It begs to be loved, but I like a car that plays harder to get.

Freelance automotive reviewer Kathy Renwald can be reached at krenwald@sympatico.ca

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