Let's all follow the Lorraine Traffic Act

Sep 24, 2009

Comments on this story (3)

Special to the Star

The Wheels section often covers topics pertaining to moving violations, as they are called in the Highway Traffic Act.

How about ignorant unmoving violations, as they are called in the Lorraine Traffic Act?

Parking must be done with at least as much consideration as driving. Parking across the end of my driveway, unless you are delivering dinner to me, is rude. Do not block people's driveways. Because you don't see us jingling our keys on the front step doesn't mean we aren't about to go out. Because the driveway is empty doesn't mean someone isn't about to pull in. You think you'll only be a minute, but come on, you know how you talk, and before you know it, she's showing you her new custom blinds and I am landlocked.

If you park in a handicapped spot and you are not handicapped, you are going straight to hell. Just so you know. If you park in a handicapped spot and leave the handicapped person in the car while you go shopping, you are taking a slightly more circuitous route, but going to hell nonetheless. Handicapped people are not placeholders so you can be lazy.

I am aware there are fewer and fewer mailboxes in useful places these days. It's because we don't mail anything, and when we do, we stand there absolutely stumped as to where that big red box went that was there just, well, 10 years ago. But you may not pull your car to a halt on a busy street to mail a letter. It's not safe.

I know you're in a hurry (you just mailed your shopping list and your dry-cleaning claim tag, too), but the only person who knows what you're doing is the one directly behind you. For the rest plowing into one another, they're imagining a dead pedestrian or a Canada goose, the only thing we'll stop for in Canada.

You may have noticed wonderful clear areas in front of mall entrances. They're called fire routes. You're not allowed to park there. Not even while she runs in because it's the last day they have those jeans on sale that don't make her bum look big. It's called a fire route, but remember this: if someone has a heart attack or breathing trouble, that brings the fire trucks, too. Go park properly.

Same goes for in front of schools. There are signs for school buses. While your Navigator may be as big as a bus, it doesn't qualify. Your kids are embarrassed to be seen with you anyway, so park a block away and let them come to you. I've never seen a kid melt in the rain, and they can withstand winds much stronger than you imagine.

In many areas, on-street parking is difficult. If your neighbours no longer wave cheerfully to you, it's because you keep parking on the street to keep your driveway clear. We don't know why you do this. Maybe it's so you can use the leaf blower on your driveway each day, which pretty much seals your Most Hated Neighbour Award.

Parallel parking is an art. Some people are just not artistic. While I agree you should practise, you probably shouldn't do so outside the liquor store at 6 p.m. on a Friday. If you need a passport to get to the curb, you did not do a good job.

A little decorum, people, and nobody gets hurt.

Lorraine Sommerfeld's column appears Thursdays on Wheels.ca. lorraineonline.ca

Toronto Star