Canadian clunker cash plan laughable

Lorraine Sommerfeld

There has been a lot of noise south of the border with the American Cash for Clunkers program, which drew to a close after exhausting $3 billion (U.S.) earlier this week. Now debates begin in earnest over the success of the program: whether it achieved what government talking heads claim (gas guzzlers off the road in exchange for gas sippers), or what media are declaring (old gas guzzlers swapped for new ones).

In Canada, people are wondering why, when other parts of the world are juicing the moribund car industry with the bright shiny lure of thousands of dollars to junk an old car, we are being enticed with a worm on a rusty hook. A skinny worm. A $300 worm.

I use my usual litmus test: What Would Alfred Do? Al was my dad, the cheapest man to ever grace the planet. I used to work at Consumers Distributing. My father would show up to buy a case of Quaker State motor oil. It was the only time he ever came in. He'd wait until it was on sale, wait for me to add my employee discount, then whip out a coupon he'd found somewhere. He also believed in reality. Many people have a clunker because that's what they can afford. Or, it's the other car, the work car. Whether you give me 300 bucks, or three thousand, I still don't have the other 20,000 to replace a car that adds less than 5,000 kilometres a year.

Other aspects of the debate – and rebate – would have troubled Al greatly. Crushing perfectly good cars? He would have cried. A Maserati in Colorado is set to be crushed (I know that would make some people wince, but it's a Biturbo, relax). For people wanting to buy a decent, affordable used car, the supply has shrunk drastically.

The American bill was already altered to shut out cars built before 1984. Why? Because of lobbying by the Special Equipment Market Association. They coddle – sorry, represent – parts suppliers and collectors who were worried they wouldn't be able to get parts for their Gremlins.

Now, the upshot with the numbers is as follows: Top 10 vehicles turned in for crushing – six straight years of Ford Explorers (1994-99), Ford Windstars, Jeep Cherokees and Grand Cherokees, and Dodge Caravans.

And Top 10 purchases? Ford Focus and Escape, Toyota Corolla, Camry and Prius, Honda Civic and Fit, Hyundai Elantra and Chevrolet Cobalt. Bad gas mileage traded (13 L/100 km or 18 miles per U.S. gallon or worse, combined city and highway) for better (10.6 L/100 km or 22 m.p.g., or better), mainly trucks (83 per cent) traded for mainly cars (60 per cent).

While outlets are still interpreting the numbers different ways (lies, damned lies, and statistics, anyone?), I can already hear rumblings about the new purchases. Overwhelmingly "import." That's in quotes, because maybe people are finally going to start looking into where their cars are made.

I took part in a Cash for Clunkers program last year. Well, it was for my toilet, so it was more Cash for Crappers.

But it was run a little differently. They didn't care what kind of toilet I tossed – but there was a strict list of what I could buy.

But to get $60 on a $250 purchase? Show me the money.

Lorraine Sommerfeld's column appears Saturday in Wheels and Mondays in Living. lorraineonline.ca

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