New words for old auto terms

Linda Mcavoy

CARBAGE, noun, the garbage that accumulates inside a car.

Great word. Well, not technically a word per se since you won't find it in Canadian Oxford or any other official lexicon, which I guess makes it a sniglet.

SNIGLET, noun, a word that ought to be in the dictionary but isn't; a term attributed to comedian/writer Rich Hall.

Along with "carbage," a trunkful of newly coined automotive terms have been showing up lately, some amusingly clever: CARBOOGER, noun, the clump of snow or mud encrusted on the backside of a vehicle's wheel well.

Others effectively utilize a single word where hithertofore an entire sentence was necessary, as in DOWNPAUSE, noun, that split-second of dryness experienced when driving under an overpass during a rainstorm.

No doubt your sense of humour, plus your linguistic preference – verbose or laconic – will determine your appreciation of such words as MENOPORSCHE, noun, a sports car purchased by a man undergoing a mid-life crisis, or CARNOGRAPHY, noun, TV ads featuring impossibly shiny cars driven at impossible speeds down empty roads by gorgeous men with beautiful women looking on adoringly from the passenger seat.

Sadly some new terms are inventions of necessity: VBIED (VEE-bid), noun, Vehicle-Borne Improvised Explosive Device, a car or other vehicle rigged to act as a bomb.

Others are just silly: CARCREAK, noun, the creaky noises your car makes after it's parked and everything turned off.

Technical terms include NAD, noun, the distance between a driver's outstretched fingertips and the ticket machine in an automatic car park, and ACCIDUE, noun, the bits of car parts, glass, metal and other debris that remain at the scene of an accident.

According to unwords.com ACCIDON'T, verb, is the act of avoiding accidue but, aside from it being the nifty name of an actual Scottish driving school, I think accidon't is perfect for describing any incidence of automotive accident avoidance (henceforth known as "triple-A"), as in: "Oh my gawd, I just had a really scary accidon't with a kid on a tricycle!"

The driving public is of course the sector of society that spawned such acronyms as DUI (Driving Under Influence) then moved on to DWY (Driving While Yakking) and DWT (Driving While Teen), with the debate still raging whether the other DWT (Driving While Texting) should be a ticket-able offence.

SUV (Sport Utility Vehicle) may well be the all-time automotive acronym, having morphed into everything from Cute-Ute and SUV-mom/democrat (SUV DEMOCRAT, noun, a politician who talks about energy conservation but who drives a fuel-inefficient SUV), right on down to the derogatory FUV.

While car owners long ago came up with a plethora of cynical acrostics for every vehicle manufacturer (FORD: Fix Or Repair Daily, JEEP: Just Empty Every Pocket), we may now be putting in a little too much windshield time if we're seriously using CARGUMENT, noun, when two or more people in a car have a serious disagreement and then are forced to sit in close proximity until they reach their destination.

Given our society's fondness for cars and invented words, it's not surprising that there seems to be a new word for just about every auto-related situation – save one.

Having logged a little laptop time – and trust me, this is not a subject you want to delve into too deeply online – there seems to be no noun, sniglet or acronym to cover those insufferable louts who insist on peeing by the side of the road in full view of passing traffic.

No matter where I travel, there seems to be a flood of men assuming the position at the side of the road. (Yes, I've been told women do it too but have thankfully not witnessed that – yet.) Unzipping in the open, most are within easy reach of a bush, tree, tall grass, bridge abutment or other structure behind which more modest folks would choose do their business.

No shy bladders here, and apparently no concise descriptor either for these boors. I have therefore decided to label these people CRUDE, as they apparently Can't Resist Urinating Damn-near Everywhere.

Thus coined, CRUDE can take its place in the modern lexicon alongside CARPANNING, verb, panhandling among cars stopped at a traffic light, or perhaps even replace the wholly unnecessary CAREOKE (singing along with the car radio), noun, an amusing proclivity which, while annoying, usually stops short of being offensive something that, alas, cannot be said of those CRUDE folk.

linda@mcavoy.ca

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